Saturday, February 12, 2011

"All my life I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide, waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide." --"King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles

Friday, February 11, 2011

Just Feel

"Yes, I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." --"Need You Now" by Lady Antibellum

So true. So painfully true. But, I know--this second more than I ever have--that I agree completely with that statement. Things hurt...they hurt a lot. But, I would so much rather go through the pain, and have taken a risk, than played it safe and never done anything. "Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty." Our experiences often involve people that have caused us pain. However, we cannot let that hold us back from the future. Learn from our mistakes, yes, but never close yourself off. Love people. Everyone is going to hurt you in some way, just decipher the ones worth hurting for and separate them from the others; let them count. 

I have found that I've made many mistakes. Some bigger than others. But, I find myself more and more grateful for them. I have learned so much from the absolute hardest things I've had to go through. I often wish I could have just known what I grew to learn the hard way, but because I didn't know--I don't regret it. Those experiences I went through, and the things I felt, made me who I am. How can I not be thanking my Heavenly Father for that? Especially because I know he knew what was going on the whole time, and never ceased to be there for me. I never had to wait for him to text back, or leave him a message on his answering machine. I could just pray, and know that he was listening. That he cared. And, that it was all going to be okay. Or at least, I know all of those things now. 

Let go of your fears. Face them. Just let yourself feel. Feelings can be insanely frightening. Especially when we know they hurt. But, the sooner you face them, embrace them, and accept them, the sooner you can move on. The sooner you can be okay. 

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?You build hope, but failure's all you've known.Remember all the sadness and frustration, And let it go. Let it go. "  

Monday, February 7, 2011

Give me a smile

Is a smile always a good thing? 

That's the question I've recently been asking myself. 

Because, here's the thing...for me, it's not. A smile, is not always just a smile. I have so many different smiles. There's the smile when I'm trying to be nice, when I'm about to break down, when I'm feeling really embarrassed, the one when I realized I'm giving the death glare to everyone, when I'm ready to shoot something, the "sweet & innocent" one, and so on. I smile all the time. Half the time, I smile just to smile, and it means absolutely nothing. 

It's the same with my laugh. I am always laughing, half the time when nothing is funny. Sometimes it's the same case with my smile--it can be a really bad thing. Or at least mean that I'm really not happy at all. 

Don't get me wrong, I often smile because I'm just that happy, and I laugh so often because things are funny and good. But...I find myself lying to people with my smile. Everyone around me thinks I'm happy and cheerful when I'm on the edge of breaking into tears. No one can tell. Or at least...not that have mentioned anything to me. 
The day someone can decipher my different smiles and notice the difference in my the day I will realize I can never let that person go.