Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Man I love lyrics. 
The specific ones swimming around in my head right now: 
  • "I gotta know what made me unbeautiful."
  • "I won't let you close enough to hurt me."
  • "Ain't no way for me to love you if you won't let me."
They all kind of tie together. I felt confident...even when you left. Well, for a little bit. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't help but wonder what I did wrong. When did I stop being good enough for you? How did things change? How did everything get so twisted and so...just wrong.    I don't ever want to feel this again, and since this isn't the first time I felt that way... I can't let you worm your way into a position where you can, in fact, make me relive those feelings in a whole new way.    Yet, somewhere in the midst of all this, I know I can't feel like this forever. I know that for me to love you, you have to have to love yourself so that you can actually let me love you. Guess what. I have to do the same thing. I have to let people love me. 
I have to learn to love myself. I thought I had started down that road. I was learning. Apparently along the way I stumbled and fell back to the beginning.  That's alright though. I will start again, and I will learn, and I won't give up.