Trust

My friend once told me that I use trust as a test. I'll "trust" people, but as soon as they make a mistake, I never forget it.
Maybe that's true in the sense that if I go back and think about it, yeah, I tend to remember what happened. But, I really don't think I use it against them....I try really hard not to even bring it up. Or at least I think I do. Unless there's a question that just won't settle. I didn't think that I used it against people.
I don't even care if you hurt me. I just want you to come back. That's all I want. 


I realized, that all I want, is a heck of a lot. 
I'm very selfish. 
It's like I'm asking for payment or something. 


You know...I was talking to my dad..about all of this. In a way, I think I was hoping for some sympathy which was a mistake. He told me that I wouldn't be able to do the things I wanted to do, unless I was Christ.


That's just it though. That's exactly who I want to be like. 
The question is how much do I want that?
Because if I want it, I have to be willing to change. Forget myself. Just serve.
And, remember, that Christ suffered more pain than any of us can possibly attempt to comprehend. No, I'll never have to experience that. But, when your goal is to serve other people--everyone--you will inevitably, without fail, will be hurt multiple times. On various different levels. And, no, you never get used to it.


I'll never be able to reach the level of Christ and his perfection in this life. It's my goal though. 
So now I need to actually change, and become that selfless type of person, because when I look at my life..it's anything but. 




And, I do apologize if I have ever used the past against you. I hope you'll forgive me for that. We're all human and we all make mistakes every day. It's not as if I haven't hurt everyone else. So, I'm sorry.