Saturday, July 30, 2011

You Make Me Happy :)

No, this is not an "I'm in love!" post. 
But it IS a post about being happy, 
                      because, let's face it, I'm happy.

I love my life. I don't know how you could get more blessed than I am. Ha, I laugh, because I review my blog, and I realize that the majority of the time I post things, I just sound so ridiculously depressing and especially lately, that makes me so frustrated. It's unfortunate that I tend to blog when there are too many emotions brewing and then they spew into negative blog posts.
The reason it causes so many upset feelings inside me is because of the reality of my next statement. 
Recently I've noticed that I keep stepping back for just a moment and said, "Man, I have such an awesome life!"

Years ago...never would I ever have imagined I be where I am now. It's crazy. 
Colorguard: never saw myself actually becoming a part of it. When I saw them, I loved it, but realistically speaking, it just didn't seem part of my future. It's been such an amazing experience already though, and I'm so excited for what the upcoming season holds in store. 
Varsity Ballroom Team: Never. I danced on BYU's youth team. It didn't even occur to me I'd ever switch to dance with my school. Now I realize it's everything I want. 
My family: I adore them. There is so much good there. It's a big ball of joy. Yeah, there are problems that arise, but my relationships with my siblings and parents are currently better than I ever used think possible. And they're continuing to improve. I am treated so well...I don't even deserve it. 

The thing I've been really grateful for as of late though, are my friends. I'm pretty darn convinced that with the people I just doesn't get much better than this. There are a couple people in my life right now that can pretty instantly make me happy. It's not even something they have to work at. I got the chance to hang out with two of them the other night. I had been pretty frustrated with some things goin' on in life, and choices I had to make and I just wanted someone to get my mind off it. So I called my friend and ended up going to her house to chat and then hang out for a little while. Well, not too long after I was there we went to pick up another friend. Can I just say that night was needed. It has been way too long since I have laughed that hard. There was a point where I'm pretty sure I was about to die I was laughing so hard. I'm not kidding--I could not breathe, and I started to get lightheaded and go pale from lack of oxygen--yet I couldn't intake air because I was still laughing. It's not the lack of oxygen that would have killed me though, that would have just made me pass out. It's the falling over and cracking my head open when I did pass out that was the danger. Luckily they saved me though. It took a while for me to calm down, but it was awesome. There was so much pure happiness and all-around good fun that night that I feel so privileged to have been a part of it. It made me sad when I realized my curfew was nearing and I had to go home. Man, I needed that night, that laughter, and that company. 
There's another person I recently gained touch with again--I haven't talked to them in almost a year ('till a week ago). Their personality is such though that they are just always happy and up for a joke or laugh. Without knowing it they've turned plenty of my frustrations or annoyances into a smile. Yet they can be serious too, and make me think about things. So I'm happy I got that connection back. 
Those friends mentioned up above really aren't the only ones I've been grateful for though. I have so many people I know that are all amazing and do different things for me and (especially lately) I've felt more and more blessed to have them choose me as someone to call a friend. 

Now I just want to say thank you, because "you make me happy, whether you know it or not". 


Maybe one day I'll finish the posts saved in my drafts and actually publish them....
But only maybe:)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Well Thank You:)

I got the best compliment I could really ask for today. I didn't really know how much it meant to me until they said it though. Recently I made a friend with someone who is in the process of moving here. Today they asked me, "Have you been LDS your whole life?" When I said, "Yes, why? Have you?" They responded, "Yes, you just seem like a really nice mormon person, so it seemed like you had been." (Not an exact quote, but something along those lines.) 
Honestly, that meant so much to me, and they probably have no idea. But it made me feel like I was doing something right with my life. So, thank you :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

And the rains came down...

I'm pretty darn convinced of two things right now:
1. The world has gotten so wicked--and the standard so low--that the earth is disgusted by it's own feel. You know, the feeling you get when you just feel gross and disgusting so you wash your hands five times? Well, that's what I'm pretty sure the earth feels like. So it keeps trying to "wash it's hands" or take a shower and cleanse itself of the filth. Unfortunately, the people inhabiting the earth just keep making it feel all dirty again. Thus, the cycle continues.
2. Nature knows me and has a special connection with my soul. That's why, when I'm angry and frustrated at life, it allows the rain to fall from the sky and wash away every negative feeling and pour peace over me. Just for a few minutes of relief. 

Basically I hate everyone. 
Okay--that's false.
I really don't. However. There are certain people in this world that make me want to scream. For a really long time. 

Alright, so maybe I don't hate everyone, but here's what I do hate. I hate feeling pressured, forced, and suffocated. A run down of my current frustration? I'm feeling the above sensations of pressure. I feel like I have to do what you want. I feel so far from any sort of freedom that it's ridiculous. Life revolves around you (no, not you, but said person in my head). The simplest things could easily make me feel guilty. Just doing what I need to do makes me feel like I need to put it off so we can do what you want and even then you're not completely satisfied. What makes it worse is that you don't mean it in a bad way. You really do have the best intentions but it's so...suffocating. 
I'm also sick of dictating things. I'm sick of it, but they're things I can't let up on; things I won't compromise. Why am always the one that sees whats going on as testing stability on the edge of a cliff? It's that line that if you cross over, you're in the devil's territory. Oh, and guess what, that one inch over the line, well, the line is a cliff, and the inch is over the edge. If you want to cross it I hope you like rock climbing... 
Why do I always have to be the one to put a stop to things. Define the lines, and re-define them again, because people only agree with them to please me for a moment and then live a different way. Everyone makes me feel like an extremest. Maybe I am, but I don't think so. Obviously...otherwise I wouldn't do it I suppose. I just don't really understand why I have to feel so alone in the decision I make when I get so many answers that they are the right decision for me. 

But that's life. And that's the way it rolls. I have no idea how I'm going to solve everything, how I'm going to say what I need to say. It will happen though. It will work out. The only wonder there really is, is if it's going to turn out the way I want it to, or if God has something better planned. I'm banking on the God answer, because I'm not even sure how things should be solved...therefore my ideas are probably not the best to go off of. 

"Jesus, take the wheel,
Take it from my hands,
'Cause I can't do this on my own.
I'm lettin' go.
So give me one more chance...
Save me from this road I'm on. 
Jesus, take the wheel."

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Let it Rain

She blinks--
Once, twice, three times...
As she sits up.
By the tiny sound of water droplets hitting a surface.
Like Pop Rocks in her mouth.

Quickly arising
gravitation towards the door.
to pry it open
and feel the rain
penetrate her skin.

At last
the sensation sends a chill--
but wonderful--
straight through her body.

To feel the cold thrill,
and then turn away
back indoors
    to an alluring

How could she?
When the world
had combined forces with the sky
and all it's mysteries
to open up
completely exposed,
once again,
Just. For. Her.

Such tender beauty,
could not be ignored.
could bring the satisfaction
of just being there
for the sky.

Allowing it to unleash,
the pain and hurt,
that so many shrink away from.
Hide from.
Purely deny.

She gracefully sits on the side of the road.
in an effort to show
her commitment
and..just listen.

How lonely it must be
To surround an Earth
with sheer beauty
given freely
to any beholder,
yet hardly glanced upon.
Hardly appreciated.

Oh and how lonely must it be
to have no where to go.
To run to.
No comfort.
For you must stay put
Surrounding such
     Ungrateful people...

Just think how awful--
how terrible
you would feel,
if when you cried
People ran to hide.

She wouldn't do that.
Couldn't do that.

Little did she comprehend
the power
and comfort she gave
by simply listening.

Ever so slowly
The tears of the sky faded
as did the pain.
So she arose
and hesitantly left the sky
in hopes it would soon
Smile once again.

*I wrote that almost a year ago, and recently re-discovered it.

Sometimes the sky decides to let the thunder roll, the lightning to strike, and the rain to fall. And, sometimes, I get to be there to let it fall on me:) Sometimes, that gets to happen today. 

P.S. Obviously, those pictures are not mine. I got them off Google Images. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

4th of July

So before I start this story you must understand a few things.

1. I'm the youngest of ten children...
2. There's kind of big gap between some children in the family.
3. Remember how I'm the youngest of ten children? 

  • That means my mom stopped having kids after the rest of her family which means...
  • I'm the youngest cousin. 
  • Everyone is old
  • With children
  • No one realllly knows who I am
SO. Every year on the 4th of July they have this big family party. Do you get where I'm going with this? I mean a lot of the time we have it at my uncles house, and don't get me wrong! I love my aunt, and my uncle's alright too. ;) AND he's got a sweeeeet house. I love that place. It's supes fun. Thing is, the only person I ever hang out with at these things is my sister. Guess what. She's in Hawaii. I realized this and did not exactly know what to do. That's when I came up with this brilliant plan. Bring a friend. Plenty of people do it, not to mention my sister did one year and I almost had nothing to do. Of course I checked with my mom and she said it was fine. So I immediately thought of one of my friends and was like, yes! It would be so fun! Then I realized I wanted to invite my other friend as well. I didn't know if I was even allowed to invite two. I mean, the two friends I wanted to invite were friends with each other, but it was kind of a family would it be bad? I decided not. I was all excited for it, and then I found out the first friend couldn't go. That's when I got a little nervous. 
See, the second friend was a guy...
And I'm a girl...
And it's a family function...
People assume things. 
I did not want to get any crap from my family about this boy, so the day of I'm wracking my brain for another friend I could invite that would have fun with us all. That's when someone texted me. Golden. I got so excited. (Especially when they confirmed they were free :D)
When we finally got up there, I wasn't completely sure what we'd do, but I just kind of went with it and followed my mom for a bit. Then we went inside the house, and there were two guys I'd never seen before. They got up and introduced themselves and I found out we were kind of cousins in some sort of convoluted way. I'm not even sure. My uncle married his aunt. :) 
Little did I know that we would end up spending the entire day with him! At first we had gone back outside to get something to eat, and he ended up sitting next to us, so we started talking. (That actually happened because he thought I was weird...) I had been at the table putting hamburger fixings upon my food and I got to the tomatoes and went, "I'm so happy!!" He was just like..what? And I told him I was so happy! The tomatoes were so BIG! He gave me the weirdest look...haha! It was hilarious. He was just like "Man...if you get that happy about tomatoes, I wonder what happens when you get really happy. Seriously. Get her a car for her birthday, what would happen? FILL IT WITH TOMATOES!! You'd go into a coma for like 3 days or something!" 
After we all ate, he decided we were cool enough to hang out with I guess, because he didn't go swimming and played Foosball with us instead. 
Then we played air hockey.            
Then we played Uno (That was the ONLY game I had even chance at...)
 Then we played Disney Trivia. 
Oh it was great. Haha. But he got kind of bored on Disney Trivia. 
Next point you should understand...
I'm not a big swimming fanatic. I don't like it that much. 
My uncle has a pool.
I didn't bring a swim suit.
I didn't want to swim.                                                 
Neither did my friend.
(My other friend was indifferent)
My cousin wanted to swim. Really bad.
We tried and tried and tried to avoid it. Unfortunately it didn't really work. And he wouldn't go with us. Finally he got one of my other cousins to lend me and my friend some shorts and a t-shirt to swim in. To be honest, I still wouldn't have swam if my brother in law hadn't pushed me in the pool!!! I'm glad he did though. We played water basketball. Oh my greatness. It was so fun. And freaking hilarious! There were all of ZERO fouls. You could do anything. Mwahahaha. At first I was on the same team as my guy friend and we were against my cousin and other friend. However, me and my girl-friend kind of just beat each other they switched teams so we would stop fighting each other :) Good stuff. We couldn't get make a basket to save our lives but we ROCKED the tackling. Finally one of my brothers joined us, so we had a chance...but we still lost. Who cares though? It was so fun!!! One of the most hilarious things I've ever done. Nearly drowned...but that's a minor detail. 
I can't even lie, that was the funnest time I've ever had at one of those family functions. Ever. It was the greatest 4th of July. 

Good times...Good times...