Saturday, March 17, 2012

For a Second

Noooow that I have had a chance to sleep or 12 hours after what felt like some of longest and shortest weeks of...ever, I feel a little bit better. Even though it's not technically over yet and really can't relax quiiite yet, I just wanted to write about some things I enjoy. (In no particular you will soon see.)

1. Eating Ice Cream with a fork.
2. Spontaneous outings. 
3. Surprises--preferably positive.. But real surprises. Not the surprises you know are coming without knowing the details. 
4. My MOTHER. She is phenomenal. I just don't even know what I would do with out her. 
5. Music. I would die without it.
6. Jamba Juice.
7. Random conversations with teachers. 
8. CABARET. Holy heavens. No words...I just love.
9. Inspiration.
10. The scriptures.
11. The General Authorities.
12. My Gospel Library app :)
13. The fact that I even am capable of having an phone. 
14. Comfort. 
15. Being able to laugh when situations are too serious.
16. Dancing.
17. Random texts from people you haven't talked to since...well, you can't remember. 
18. Getting 101/100 on something you thought would fail. 
19. Banana Bread. 
20. Cinnamon toast.
21. Waffles! 
22. Cupcakes.
23. Dance Parties in the driveway.
24. Remember funny stories from when you were little.
25. Really fantastic lip gloss. Heck yes.
26. Glitter!!!
27. People that can always make you laugh :)
28. IHOP at 3:00 in the morning. 
29. Sarcasm
30. People that understand my humor. aha :)
31. When people are dead honest with me. 
32. Cookies.
33. Making cookies.
34. Making people smile---nothing tops that.
35. When random people tell me I'd make a "shrink." Thanks man, thanks. 
36. When people end up thanking you for turning them down. Alrighty then!
37. Word nerds. And word love. ahhhhhhh <3 yes, I did just use the heart sign. 
38. Supportive people.
39. Waking up with a swollen eye--that doesn't hurt!!! Hollah! 
40. Roller coasters. Heck to the freakin yes.
41. Disneyland.
42. Colorful lollipops.
43. Cute engagement stories. and couples. 
44. Rings. 
42. Happy memories.
43. When your perspective changes and bad memories become happy ones.
44. Finding out people don't hate you. 
45. Understanding why things happen(ed). 
46. Laughing attacks--although I do feel bad for the people I annoy by them.
47. Making videos.
48. Walks.
49. The mountains.
50. Dirt paths.
51. Exploring.
52. Nature.
53. Sunsets.
54. The beach.
55. The ocean.
56. Peace and serenity.
57. Hawaii.
58. Being up high.
59. RAIN. But, you already knew that....
60. Nighttime snowfall. 
61. Standing outside during a snowstorm. (and rainstorm...but that's a whole other realm you already know about.)
62. Communicating without words--not ASL, but our own made up gestures. 
63. Cupcake Chic.
64. Cocoa Bean.
65. Will's Pit Stop hot chocolate.
66. Being asked to dance.
67. Being asked to dance without music--and then having someone provide music.
68. When someone asks to "cut in" to dance with me.
69. Summer nights.
70. Nights that feel like summer nights when they're not.
71. The feeling outside right before a storm.
72. City Lights.
73. Weddings.
74. Dressing up.
75. Knowing what you're doing is good.
76. Colorguard. I just...oh man. No words. Again. Just pure love.
77. Cleaning. Yes, true facts. Just--when I'm not forced. But I do actually really love cleaning. 
78. Running. Now... I used to hate it. But now, I actually quite enjoy it. Doesn't mean I do it though. 
79. People that can sing.
80. People that can legitimately write their own songs.
81. The piano.
82. The guitar. 
83. Boys that can sing... :) 
84. Cute stories.
85. Seeing people be happy.
86. Watching people change for the better.
87. The crazy ways the Lord works things out.
88. Being okay with imperfection. 
89. Studying--when I want to.
90. Going into a test and feeling like you will do so well, because you know the material. 
91. Understanding teachers. They're the greatest.
92. Random compliments that just make your entire day.
93. Meeting new people. 
94. Sleeping. Sorry, but it's true.
95. Turning off my phone. 
96. Girls Camp.
97. Ward Youth Conference. 
98. My birthday.
99. Finding the perfect present for someone. 
100. Knowing you're loved. Not necessarily even knowing why people are crazy enough to love you; just knowing that they do. 
101. Coconut. 
102. Saddleback brownies. 
103. Remembering how you met people. 
104. Realizing how far you've come.
105. Reuniting old friends.
106. Broken clocks. Especially my broken pocket watch necklace. 
107. Spinning.
108. Cartwheels in the street.
109. Laying in the street. 
110. The slug bug game.
111. The license plate game. 
112. Being picked up during a hug. 
113. Tunnel Singing. 
114. Bracelets that mean something.
115. High heels. Hey--it's true. 
116. Early morning.
117. Taco Soup.
118. Cafe Rio.
119. Zupas!!!
120. Tacos.
121. Homemade tortillas. 
122. Homemade chili. 
123. Laughing till you cry--I guess that goes along with laughing attacks...
124. People who aren't afraid to be themselves. 
125. The temple.
126. Panda Bears.
127. Flowers.
128. Singing--I love listening to others sing...but I love singing, too. Just thowin that out there.
129. Homework assignments I enjoy.
130. Helping random people you don't know. :)
131. My best friend. I don't know how she puts up with me. Poor girl. But, she does. And I love her to death. 

I should stop now. In fact, I'm impressed if you kept reading. Way to go, champ :)
awww now I wanna write more. (Okay real fast--people that act like Gollum/Yoda/Dobby, Yearbook, and, jsut..people. Also, fantastic coaches that rock. Okay  done.) Okay anyway, this was actually just a lesson to me. It's amazing the things you're grateful for. Sometimes you don't realize just how much you love about life until you write it all down. When I started this list, I made it to...oh, fifteenish. But, I kept writing. And things kept coming. And they still are! I just... oh. I love it. I love people. I love life. Even if life is hard and sometimes convinces me that I hate people...I love it. I'm glad I get the privilege of being alive.  

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Mysterious Ways

A bishops interview. 
A breakdown after a test.
A homework assignment.
A friend who left.
A lack of practice space.
A someone you once knew. 
A win.
A morning at the temple.
A broken necessity.
A loss. 
A friend.
A blog. 
A calling.
A blessing. 

And the list goes on. And on. And on. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Everything He does, He does for us.
Some of those things are obvious life boosters. Yet some... I never would have expected to be such a critical prerequisites to blessings. 

I don't feel quite ready to face life. No lie. But, I've made it through the past two weeks alive. What can one more be? 

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.

Sometimes all I really can do is breathe, let the moment pass and continue onward. 
I really have no idea how I made it here to this Sunday, March 11, 2012. It does not feel possible. Yet, here I sit. Still breathing. 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

You don't hate me. 
I almost wish you did.
It'd be easier that way. 
But, you don't.

You just don't care.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. 

Yet I can't bring myself to stop caring about you. I do hope you are happy. You seem to be. So, either you're a really good actor, or you aren't acting. So, that's good.