Saturday, August 25, 2012

It's okay.

To cry.

Sometimes that's exactly what you need 
in order to realize how you truly feel.
How much you truly feel. 
Because you can't do a whole lot until you know that.

Don't Say Goodbye

Things are chaning, it seems strange and I need to figure this out.
You've got your life, I've got mine, but you're all I cared about.

Yesterday we were laughin' I'm left here asking where has all the time gone now? I'm left alone somehow. Growin' up and gettin' older, I don't want to believe it's over.

Don't say goodbye...

Do you we swore we'd never change?

I wish we could be laughin'.

It hurts, but I'm giving you my word--
I hope that you're always happy like we were.

Ah. Sometimes the words we wish we could say aren't meant to be said. Sometimes you just have to let things go. Just because it's the way life is. You don't always get to say what you feel is so important to say. I guess it's not always as important as we feel.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Heaven Helped Me

The Lord does what He wants.
It continuously amazes me. But, that is exactly what happens. This summer, I had hardly a moment to learn my choreography for the Fall Season before Guard Camp. The moments I did have may have been misspent, but to be honest, I'm not sure if I would really say that. To an outsider looking in, it might look that way, but it's different on the inside. Well,  I started to get really really worried while I was at EFY, because I was scared. Honest to goodness scared. I didn't want to go home and actually face life and what it held for me. That's when the Lord led me to all kinds of scriptures that focused on having more faith. I quickly began to understand the Lord as He basically made a deal with me. He could do whatever needed to be done if I simply exercised the faith and asked. There was a large part that didn't feel I deserved His help and so I didn't even want to ask for it. As He comforted me with that, He seemed to tell me as well that He would be willing to help me, assist me, and make me capable of these things that needed to happen if I made sure people knew it was not me. It was purely the Lord's strength and wisdom. I knew right then that anything I accomplished the coming week would not be of my own capacity, but my Heavenly Father's. 
When I got home, I asked my dad if he would be willing to give me a Father's blessing. He gladly consented and once again affirmed my testimony of the Priesthood. It was one the most beautiful and perfect blessings I could ask for. I knew right off that they were not the words of my Dad, but my Father in Heaven. I knew it would be okay. Somehow.
I showed up Monday to Guard Camp, completely unprepared. I tried to wake up early and learn my choreography--but I only got so far. Yet, somehow, the day finished, and all was just fine. And... the days continued. Of course there were rough patches; things weren't perfect, because they didn't need to be. All of a sudden, it was Friday. I was there, first group, standing ready to pass off. 
Resume, Hut.
Production Feature.
Percussion Feature.
And it was over. I had finished. Never perfect--but so much better than I would have expected. 
I looked back on my week at all the stress and fear that tried to fight away my faith. It got close a few times, but I kept praying. 
When the day was done I had made both dance lines, and had a full spot.
No, nothing is secure...but I had made it that far. 
It became so clear how unable I was to do what I had done. I looked at each day, and looked at the choreography I picked up, remembered, and performed. I don't learn fast. At all. Yet somehow, I had learned these three songs without much of a problem. Because it was no longer me. It was not my strength. Not my memory. 
And I stand all amazed. I don't know why the Lord wanted to bless me, but He did. Maybe it's because He sees in me a willingness to change, but I need certain opportunities. Maybe it's for reasons of His own. Maybe it was just to show me what faith can do.

(Also, fun fact: I accidentally left my CD player running Sunday night and this song was playing when I woke up. Coincidence? I think not.)

Everybody falls sometimes,
Gotta find the strength to rise from the ashes and made a new beginning.
Anyone can feel the ache--
You think it's more than you can take...
But you're stronger. Stronger than you know.
Don't you give up now, the sun will soon be shining. 
You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining. 

I've seen dreams that move the mountains,
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling.
I've seen miracles just happen,
Silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new...
That's what faith can do.

It doesn't matter what you've heard,
"Impossible" is not a word; it's just a reason for someone not to try.
Everybody's scared to death when they decide to take that step out on the water, but it'll be alright.

Life is so much more than what your eyes are seeing.
You will find your way if you keep believing.

Overcome the odds when you don't have a chance.
 (that's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't, it'll tell you that you can.

Even if you fall sometimes, you will have the strength to rise.

 "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for, with God all things are possible." -Mark 10:27

"Two men can do anything as long as one of them is the Lord."

I just want to testify that that is true. I've felt it many times; this week, stronger than ever. And I am so grateful for that.